Dedication

I am leaving for a week-long meditation retreat tomorrow. It has been over two years since I went on a formal retreat and never one this long.

I really have a lot of anxiety about leaving my husband and kids. I really didn't expect that to come up so strongly. It is more than obvious that I need to go - for their benefit as much as mine. But I still have the worry of, will they feel neglected? Will they be ok without me? Am I a good mother? Am I a good wife? Do I spend enough time with them? Do I take care of them well enough? How can I work full time and expect to have time to myself? Shouldn't I be giving them every little spare moment I have?!!!

I'm sure anyone reading this would certainly say that it is OK! I am not going away for a week to get drunk and party or something. I'm not going away to damage myself or anyone. I just have to remember all the mothers in the world that struggle to take care of themselves much less their children. There are too many children in the world that have mothers that can't deal with being mothers or even life for that matter. It is SO HARD being a mother and not everyone is cut out to do it.

I really think that I am. I am confident in my mothering skills. And I make a lot of mistakes as a wife, but I do my best.

I fully acknowledge how important it is to have balance. It is important for me to go away for a short time to take care of myself. If I don't, then I have nothing to give to anyone else.

So, I dedicate the merit of this retreat practice to my husband and my two little girls. May their spirits grow and be happy.