All Is Burning

I am an unenlightend being. I try my best to live with morality and wisdom, but realistically I have to remember what I am and be ok with that.

I have realized how much craving I have in my life. I have realized how much craving and attachment is involved in romantic relationships, and sometimes even friend and family relationships. And I'm not sure why this is a new realization. Perhaps it isn't a new realization, but just now a true seeing. I never really wanted to see this before because I enjoyed the pleasures of romantic relationships so much. I did not want to give that up.

But now I do see. There is a lot of pleasure in a love relationship, and comfort and companionship. But it would take an extremely enlightened person not to become attached to that. Anyone who says they are not attached to their partner is most likely not speaking the truth. And anyone who is attached to a partner that is very compatible with them is very fortunate. That is truly a beautiful thing.

But it is still attachment just the same. My aspiration is to be free from attachment. That isn't to say that I am actually capable of that, it is just my aspiration.

While on retreat last week I saw in me the fires of lust, hatred and delusion. And I see the tendency to dwell and proliferate, analyzing and running stories in my mind that add fuel to the fire. I know the key to liberation is to stop adding fuel to that fire, but it is such a strong habit! There is a sort of pleasure that comes up with thinking and analyzing and fantasizing, but after awhile I get really exhausted and discouraged from that.

My Ajahn (teacher) told me to simply sit up straight and breathe from my belly and give myself lots of metta (lovingkindness). I think it really is that simple. So simple that it just seems boring. That is why it is actually very difficult to do. Sitting up straight and breathing seems so unimportant. And giving ourselves love is not something we are accustomed to doing in fear of being labeled as selfish.

Read: The Fire Sermon