The False Promise of Permanence

That attachment hunger and restlessness has been coming up again lately. I see it so clearly, yet it just wants to proliferate and fixate on whatever it thinks will relieve it. Think about settling down in a new house, think about changing jobs, think about riding a motorcycle, think about eating cake, think about sex, think about a possible love interest that might bring me pleasurable feelings.

None of which, of course, promise any sort of permanence. All of which create tension in the body and mind, the tension of craving.

In terms of material possessions, craving is not much of an issue for me. I can always pass on buying the latest and greatest. In terms of experiences, it really is an issue. More than I ever realized. I really crave excitement. That pretty much sums it up. If I look into why, perhaps it is that exciting experiences make me feel real. Intellectually I understand that all of it is actually empty, but try telling that to my habit patterns!

At least I SEE. I still follow those habitual patterns often, but not quite so blindly as in the past. I really see how much suffering these patterns bring me. The ruminating and fantasizing just leads to dissatisfaction. To actually get what I crave is satisfying for awhile, then dissatisfying as I worry about losing it.

This is what the Buddha called dukkha! This really is it. I really understand this, experientially.

Of course it must be this way. How can I realize the truth of dukkha without having experienced it directly? How can I rise above dukkha without understanding that experience?

Remember the lotus rising from the mud!

I am content with the simplicity of my material possessions. I think for me that is an outward expression of renunciation. How do I instill that sort of simplicity and contentment in my mind? My apartment is simple, neat and orderly, but my mind certainly is not!

How my mind clings and obsesses over things it thinks will bring it pleasure and happiness and make me exist! The ego has such a forcefulness about it. It says “Hey I am real, keep feeding me! Here are my stories, you better believe it!” It is so fragile and constantly threatened.

Here is a great quote from the song Stand Up Comedy, by U2: “I gotta stand up to ego but my ego's not really the enemy. It's like a small child crossing an eight lane highway. On a voyage of discovery.”

It seems to me that to approach my ego as a small child could be an effective strategy.

I can remember as a teen how I longed for an intimate love relationship that would bring me a happily ever after. Even though I know now there is no such thing, such old habits truly die hard!!!

So what does bring happily ever after? Nothing. It does not exist. Realizing that and understanding that is actually more happy that happily ever after. Realizing that is freedom.