OK, I Am Paying Attention. Now What?

There is someone that I think I love, but I'm not sure if he loves me. Why is that uncertainty making me such a wreck the last few days? How did I let this happen??

What is it that I feel I need so much and why do I feel that he has it to give me? Where did this feeling come from? It just smacked me out of the blue. No warning. What is this? No clear answer is coming to me at the moment.

Of course, this is not about him and what he may or may not have to give me. This is about a tender, damaged part of me that is asking for attention. OK, you have my attention. What is it? Where is it? What do I need to do with it?

I have more questions than answers. Hopefully if I just put the questions out there, the answers will be forthcoming. Beautiful though, this pain. It isn't really a problem. It is an opportunity. God, that sounds like a cheesy corporate phrase!

Went back to my favorite book today, closed my eyes and opened it to this:

"The spiritual journey involves going beyond hope and fear, stepping into unknown territory, continually moving forward. The most important aspect of being on the spiritual path may be to just keep moving...

"How do we work with our minds when we meet our match? Rather than indulge or reject our experience, we can somehow let the energy of the emotion, the quality of what we're feeling, pierce us to the heart. It's definitely the path of compassion - the path of cultivating human bravery and kindheartedness."

When Things Fall Apart
Pema Chodron