The Introverted Mother

How is it that I already need a break from the crazy little people I live with? They were with their dad for two days and I've had them back for less than 24 hours. At the moment they are playing together in their room, to my relief. I enjoy their presence best when we are all contentedly doing our own activities. I stop to listen to important things they have to say or give a hug or pay attention to something they made or are doing. (Or check on them when it gets too quiet to make sure they are not writing on the walls or each other or cutting each others' hair!) Then I contentedly go back to my book or writing or thinking. I am REALLY not interested in playing with them or entertaining them. I do my best to play with them sometimes, but it is a stretch for me. It takes effort! Some days I just don't have it in me at all.

I knew when I decided to have kids that it would be a challenge for me - a seriously introverted person. I really had no idea how I was going to stay true to my need for space and time alone. Fortunately, I have quite a bit of space at work each day to do my own thing and that has been really good for me. I am quite happy with my choice to be a working mother, even though there was a lot of guilt around it at first. My daily meditation practice has been an absolute necessity. I would probably be quite a mess without that. Now that my kids are not babies anymore and can actually go to their room and play, I have discovered the beauty of parallel play. For some time it seemed like a guilty pleasure - I have time with my kids now but I'm going to read a book?? What a BAD mother I am!! But I know better than to get consumed in guilt when the kids are obviously happy as clams doing their own thing. So I have found ways to meet my needs as an introverted mother. Still, there are times when I just feel like there is never enough time to myself, even with all that. Maybe it is just time to go on a retreat. I haven't done that since July.

While I'll probably never be the kind of mother that kids would call fun, they are well cared for. Their needs are absolutely met. I just can't always meet their "wants" for entertainment. When I honor my need for space, I am happier and more effective as a mother.