Grief is Only a Passing Visitor

I have to admit that I fell into a little bit of a funk after picking up my kids from their dad’s while his lady friend was there. For the past few months, every other weekend that I’ve picked the kids up, she’s been there (since she is without her own kids every other weekend). A few weeks ago, he told me he’d broken up with her, so it was a little shock to my system to find her there again. I hadn’t had a chance to prepare myself. I said hi to her then got the kids ready to go. Even though emotions were raging inside me, I was able to stay cool and polite. And I recognized her discomfort as well. She is in just as an uncomfortable position as I am. I actually felt a connection with her for a moment.

Later in the day my ex called me and I said, “So you guys are back together now? That figures.” Of course, that was the wrong thing to say and I said it purely out of the rough emotions I was feeling. He was taken aback by my spiteful tone and I decided to be completely honest with him. I told him that I have feelings of jealousy and that it is very uncomfortable for me to be around her. I told him that she is in an uncomfortable position as well. He really hadn’t realized it. But he acknowledged that he would feel uncomfortable if the tables were turned. When I find myself in a new relationship, there is no reason for me to ever put my ex in the position of having to meet him, other than perhaps joint birthday parties for the kids. Even then, only if my new relationship is well established. I know how horrible it feels and I would not do that to him.

He says they are not back together, just back to being friends. It doesn’t really matter and that is not my business. But he did need to know about my discomfort. And I felt so much better after having told him. My grief was released.

Feelings of jealousy do NOT mean that I miss him or want to get back together with him. It is just a natural reaction to memories of loss that are triggered in me by another woman’s presence in his life. Her presence is a reminder of my failure, loss and grief.

And it’s getting old now. This grief has been worked through already. When it pops up again here and there, I breathe it in and breathe it out. It didn’t stay more than a day. What a relief! Grief is only an aquaintance to me now, someone who visits from time to time. We are not close buddies anymore.