Jealousy

Jealousy? I am not immune.

But let’s take a look at this logically and realistically. For one thing, my former husband is on multiple psychological medications, doing serious therapy, he has some unusual ideas about the world, not to mention he has a cluttered and messy house. He is very kind and sensitive and is putting a lot of energy into improving himself, but he has some major stuff he’s working on. He is not in a stage of his life where a woman like me could honestly consider him a good catch. He’s working hard to get there, but he is not there yet.

How does that reflect on the woman that is spending so much time with him? I don’t want to say she is scraping the bottom of the barrel or settling or whatever – I have myself been in that position and I don’t judge it! But realistically, she probably could do better for herself. So, if anyone is jealous, perhaps she is jealous of me. It is almost a given that she is. If I expressed a desire to reconcile with him (not that I have such a desire), he would wholeheartedly consider it. We were married and have many years of history together, not to mention our children. But I took a stand for my values. I was strong enough to hold up my hand and say enough is enough and follow through. Perhaps she has a twinge of envy of the strength required for that.

So I can rest in the suspicion that she has more to be jealous of than I do. My jealousy is born of grief over what could not be. I could not have with him what I had hoped and dreamed I could. Frankly, I don’t really think she could have what I had dreamed of having with him either. What they have or could have is something else completely. More power to both of them if that something else is satisfying and worthwhile to them.