Rough Morning

This morning, my daughter (age 3) had a major tantrum. She wanted to stay home and watch Dora, not go to daycare. Her dad and I struggled with her to get her shoes and coat on, but I still had to carry her screaming to the car. She refused to sit in her seat properly and every time I tried to put her in her seat and get her seat belt on she screamed like she was being murdered. I drove her the two blocks to daycare without her seat belt on and she screamed that she wanted it on. I carried her into our daycare provider's house and she flopped around on the floor screaming about her seatbelt. Somehow she calmed down for a quick enough time to give me a kiss and a hug, then she was back to lying on the floor screaming as I said good-bye. I knelt down, touched her hair and told her that I love her and was sorry that she was having such a rough morning.

As I drove to work, I thought about how I could have handled that differently. I could have resigned myself to being extremely late for work. As it was, I was already 20 minutes late. In hindsight, I may as well have just come in later. But that is still not a guarantee that it could have went any more peacefully this morning. There are times that I do have the time to work with her and she still spins off like crazy. Sometimes she's just in a bad mood and no matter how much I try to please her, she still ends up screaming.

It does hurt me to see how much her temperament is like me in that she can't be happy unless she gets her way. She can be extremely stubborn. It has taken me 30 or so years to tame that part of myself! How can I stand to see her make the same mistakes I made? What can I do to speed up the learning/growing process for her so that she doesn't suffer for years and years?

Or, maybe this is just a phase that she will grow out of in a short time. Who knows? One thing is certain - I am the one who stands to learn from her, maybe even more so than she is the one to learn from me. I can't always clearly see where I am unable to let go, but my daughter is an open book. I see her pain and I see the direct cause of her pain - grasping. And all I can do is love her and have compassion for her. I can't help her let go.

As she gets older though, it is getting easier to talk to her about these things. Right now, it is tough to put things into simple enough terms for her to understand. We have a book called "Peaceful Piggy Meditation," but she doesn't quite get it yet. She will soon though, so I'll keep at it.

Early childhood can be an exciting, fresh and beautiful time, but also frustrating. My daugher has exceptional communication skills for a three year old, but she is still limited in her rational abilities. It is just a matter of time before her brain starts to click into understanding.

I think I need to take another look at my Developmental Psychology textbook!