Get Rid of a Coarse Peg With the Help of a Fine Peg

Our therapist asked me yesterday how I am doing in regards to the reason I called him to have sessions with Husband and me.

I was not really in a good frame of mind to answer that yesterday. I just explained that my trust has been damaged, I feel depressed and the main thing that will help me is time. He said that I need to take my focus off negative thoughts and events and focus more on positive thoughts and events. I didn't disagree with him, but I did point out that it is not a good idea to push away the negative. He countered with advice to allow myself to experience the negative, then move on.

Of course, that is always easier said than done. I think for the most part I do a good job of being mindful and seeing the negative thoughts and feelings that are generated in me, but I haven't been able to help the fact that they are there. Letting go of those things is not easy. Dwelling on them is unproductive, but at the same time, pushing them away doesn't help either.

So, what does one do? I mentioned to our therapist the teaching the Buddha gave of getting rid of a bad peg by pounding it out with a good peg. I have used Lovingkindness meditation often as the good peg. More effort is needed on my part to practice that.

Here is the text that I am referring to from the Vitakkasaõñhàna Sutta:

"Bhikkhus, by the bhikkhu developing the mind five things should be attended to from time to time. What five: The bhikkhu attending to a certain sign if evil demeritorious thoughts arise conductive to interest, anger and delusion, he should change that sign and attend to some other sign conductive to merit, then those signs conductive to interest, anger and delusion fade, and the mind settles and comes to a single point. Like a clever carpenter or his apprentice would get rid of a coarse peg with the help of a fine peg. In the same manner the bhikkhu attending to a certain sign, if evil demeritorious thoughts arise conductive to interest, anger and delusion, he should change that sign and attend to some other sign conductive to merit, then those signs conductive to interest, anger and delusion fade, the mind settles and comes to a single point."
http://www.metta.lk/tipitaka/2Sutta-Pitaka/2Majjhima-Nikaya/Majjhima1/020-vitakkasanthana-sutta-e1.html?bcsi_scan_D650894E257D4976=0&bcsi_scan_filename=020-vitakkasanthana-sutta-e1.html

Here is a good article with reflections on this teaching. In other words, it is put into plain English:
http://www.dharma.org/ij/archives/2001a/vitakkasanthana_sutta.htm

The interesting thing that this author, Mark Muesse, points out is "In the Vitakkasaõñhàna Sutta [Majjhima Nikàya #20], the Buddha concisely outlines a discipline for the more conscious management of our thinking. Even experienced practitioners of vipassana who are schooled in the techniques of non-judgmental awareness may be surprised to learn of this teaching of the Buddha."

While I knew of this teaching, I really haven't given it much thought. Vipassana (Mindfulness) has been my primary meditation training and it really does focus on seeing things in the mind but doesn't provide much instruction on changing them.

Another thing he says is "Cultivating a discipline for the selection and fostering of thoughts increases our capacities to care for our thoughts with wisdom." This is what our therapist was talking about. I didn't really understand this last night, but after consideration, I do now understand.

The thoughts that keep me unhappy involve desire/craving, anger/avoidance, and delusion. Fortunately, I have done a lot of work in regards to recognizing these things as they come up . So I guess now is the time to do something about it.

The five methods that the Buddha gives are:
REPLACEMENT
REFLECTION ON RESULTS
REDIRECTING
RECONSTRUCTING
RESISTANCE

As I look at each of these, I find that I already have done much of this. Especially Reflection on Results. When I imagine the consequences of unskillful thoughts, it is easier to let go.

The challenge is that it needs to be done over and over and over. Lately, every hour or so. Causes and conditions have placed unskillful thoughts/feelings in me. Those causes and conditions are fresh and/or still in existence. These conditions bring up negative thinking/feelings and I must confront them over and over. It can be really exhausting, which is a big part of my problem. I have a cumulative sleep deficit that makes concentration difficult often. When I have difficulty being mindful, I start to lose the battle with unskillful thoughts/feelings. Unskillful thoughts set the stage for more unskillful thoughts. It can be quite a spiral.

It is a lot of work. And it all just means that I really need to meditate more.