Where is Equanimity?

Well, I miss the equanimity of October. Lately it's been one rough spot after another. I think I am a bit depressed.

Baby is going to be a year old on Monday and she still wakes a minimum of once every night and she won't go back to sleep without nursing. We have not yet had a night when she didn't nurse. I'm getting pretty sick of it now, actually. I would like to start weaning her but she doesn't show any sign of wanting to stop. My first daughter was easy. She made the decision for herself around 11 months. She was sleeping 10 hours in a row at night by that point. I have not had it as easy with Number Two.

Sometimes she wakes and goes back to sleep on her own, but she eventually wakes again later in the night and is more insistent on nursing. I just nurse her because that is what she needs and someday she just won't need it anymore. I always give her a chance to settle down on her own before I pick her up. Eventually she will.

I'm just so tired.

Husband and I started counseling sessions last week. He finally admitted a few weeks ago that he can't get a handle on his drinking issues alone. He has been working on this on his own for a long time and keeps getting himself into trouble. I like our therapist and I think we are on the right path. He has asked Husband to commit to a contract of one beer allowed per day. That is what I have suggested to him in the past, but I think coming from a licensed and experienced therapist it holds more weight. We'll see how that goes. He had a hard time with the idea of this being indefinite and that it has no allowances for football game days. It was made clear that you cannot "save up" your one beers for a week and have them all on one day. He really wants to be a moderate drinker. I think he can get there, but it is going to take a long time. He won't do AA so we will continue with the counseling sessions indefinitely.

My biggest fear is that he will continue to go through phases of not drinking, then getting into trouble. His intentions are good now, but what will happen when he starts to relax and not think about controlling it so much anymore? Will he really be out after strike three? In other words, if he gets into trouble one more time, will he get another chance? I don't know.